Living With Someone With Mental Illness (2024)

When you live with someone with a mental illness, it can be hard on your relationship. During particularly hard moments, you might even find yourself thinking, "Their mental illness is killing me !"

Managing their mental health disorder may become the center of your interaction, changing the dynamics of your relationship. Their mental illness symptoms can also increase your feelings of stress.

Challenges of Living With Someone With Mental Illness

There are many reasons why living with someone who has a mental illness can be challenging and stressful. You may struggle to depend on them to take care of their responsibilities, for instance, like paying their portion of the rent.

It can cause emotional upheaval and increased stress. You might also feel isolated and alone since it can sometimes seem like no one else really understands what you're going through.

If their behavior is unhealthy or unpredictable, you might wonder how to help them while still protecting yourself. This can leave you thinking, "Help! Their mental illness is killing me!"

The good news is that living with someone with a mental health disorder doesn't have to degrade your relationship. Despite the challenges you may face, there are strategies you can use to deal with the stress while still helping them manage their symptoms.

How Mental Illness Affects Relationships

Mental illness can impact relationships in a variety of ways, particularly if living under the same roof.

Caregiver Burnout

You might experience burnout, especially if you are their primary caregiver or if you're feeling overwhelmed by handling responsibilities they can't take care of themselves. Just managing day-to-day living can be emotionally exhausting.

Intimacy Problems

If the relationship is romantic, you may experience challenges with intimacy as well. Depending on your partner's mental health condition and any medications they take, they might experience hypersexual behaviors (strong sexual urges) or have no interest in sex at all, both of which can be hard on relationships.

Shame and Stigma

In some cases, the person you're living with might even be hesitant to tell you about their mental health disorder. They may worry that you will end the relationship once you find out or wonder whether you'll be able to navigate their symptoms together.

The important thing to remember is that, while there can be challenges to living with someone with a mental health disorder, there are also strategies you can put in place to keep those challenges from doing irreparable damage to your relationship.

Tips for Living With Someone With Mental Illness

Whether you already feel the stress of living with someone with a mental health disorder or you want to be proactive and address the challenges before they have a chance to take their toll, there are several actions you can take that are helpful for creating a healthier relationship dynamic. Here are a few to consider.

Learn About Their Mental Illness

There is a lot of misinformation about the causes and best treatment options for the different mental health disorders. Finding the truths or facts about their mental illness can help you better understand their condition while also learning how you can help while living with them.

To learn more about their mental illness:

• Seek out information about their diagnosis from credible sources such as the National Institute of Mental Health (NIHM) and the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA).
• Check out other reputable mental health organizations for more information.
• Learn about the symptoms of their mental health disorder, so you know what to expect.
• Find out more about their treatments, including how to support them during psychotherapy and the effects of any prescribed medication.

Be Supportive

Whether it's your partner, child, friend, or roommate who has been diagnosed with mental illness, there are ways to show that you support them. This begins with providing empathy, love, and compassion as they learn how to live with their disorder.

If the diagnosis was recent, recognize that the news can be devastating, embarrassing, and potentially even frightening. For some, it may provide validation for the symptoms they've been experiencing, but the uncertainty and stigma associated with mental health disorders may cause them to worry that you will see them differently.

Let them know that you want to be able to trust them to stay on top of their treatment plan and if they can't fulfill their responsibilities, it causes you to feel stressed.

While being supportive, you want to respect their privacy, too. Though you may be curious about their therapy sessions and progress, they might only want to share certain things and keep other details private. Give them space to do this while letting them know that you're there if they need you.

How to Support a Partner With Mental Illness

If your partner has a mental health disorder:

• Let them know that you are there for them and love them.
• Listen to their experience and validate what they are feeling.
• Ask how you can best support them.
• Acknowledge any positive shifts or changes they have made.
• If they're comfortable, you might attend healthcare visits together to learn how you can both cope with their condition.

It's also important to build a supportive community of friends and family around you. Joining a support group can also help you connect with others in a similar situation and share your experiences. To best help your partner, you must take care of your emotional needs, too.

If you are co-parents, talk to your children about mental health. Give them the opportunity to ask questions and help them understand how your partner's mental health disorder can affect their thoughts and behaviors. Also, find ways to cope as a family.

How to Support a Child With Mental Illness

If you're living with a child with a mental health disorder, listen to them when they talk about their symptoms. You might not understand exactly what they're going through, but it's important they know that you believe them.

Communicating with the child and their care provider is key, so you can come up with solutions together. If you have other children, you might also want to get them in on the conversation.

How to Support a Friend or Roommate With Mental Illness

If you live with a close friend who has a mental illness, you might notice a change in their behavior. Maybe they are withdrawing from social activities, for example. Ask your friend how you can help. If it feels necessary, you can ask if they'd like for you to contact a mental healthcare service for them.

If you have a roommate that you aren't close with, you can still offer your support where you can. In any case, you want to remember to respect their boundaries (and set your own). Don't interfere if it doesn't feel safe.

Don't Become Their Therapist

Beyond educating yourself on how to support the person you're living with, keep in mind that it is not your responsibility to be their therapist. This is inappropriate—even if you are a trained mental health professional—because it creates an unhealthy power dynamic that will not work as a long-term solution.

A mental health counselor or therapist can offer your loved one or roommate the opportunity to feel supported and empowered to care for themselves. This type of professional can also help the person you're living with learn how to prioritize their well-being as an individual.

Put Protections In Place

Depending on the mental illness, the person you're living with may engage in certain actions or behaviors that put you at risk in some way. In these instances, it's important to take steps to protect yourself.

For instance, if their mental illness makes it difficult for them to control their spending, you might consider separate bank accounts. Some banks also offer a spending cap on debit cards, which might help prevent them from spending an excessive amount at once.

Practice Self-Care

Self-care is critical in maintaining healthy relationships, in general. But it can be especially beneficial if living with someone who has been diagnosed with a mental health disorder.

Ideas for self-care include:

• Practicing good sleep hygiene
• Getting regular physical activity
• Nourishing your body with healthy foods
• Spending time with trusted friends and loved ones
• Engaging in activities or hobbies that you enjoy
• Journaling about your thoughts and feelings
• Practicing mindfulness meditation
• Doing progressive muscle relaxation, especially during times of stress

Be mindful of burnout or caregiver fatigue. Experiencing burnout will impact your well-being and your relationship with your loved one. If you are experiencing signs of burnout, you must prioritize your well-being and take a necessary break.

Getting Help

If you're living with someone who has a mental health disorder, it is not unusual to experience a range of emotions such as frustration, anger, and sadness. Seeking out individual therapy, couples counseling, and/or family therapy that aims to strengthen your relationship can be immensely helpful during this time.

• Individual therapy. Therapy can help you can process your thoughts and feelings in a healthy way, which may improve your coping skills and communication skills. Counseling can also offer you a fresh perspective and helpful guidance in a situation that may feel overwhelming and stressful.
• Couples counseling. Emotions can be explored in a productive way with couples counseling. As partners, you can learn to establish appropriate expectations and set healthy boundaries. Couples counseling may also help prevent you from falling into unhealthy dynamics with your partner.
• Family therapy. If your child has a mental health condition, you might consider going to family therapy. Family therapy can help manage the effects of your child's mental illness on all members of your family. You can also learn the best ways to support your child through their illness.

Consider seeing your own counselor to help support you during this time, even if you are already in couples counseling or family therapy. Therapy can help you process your emotions and allow you to keep showing up for your loved one in a healthy way.